I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
