Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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