What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
