Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
