I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize