My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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