I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
