would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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