some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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