The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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