Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
