youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
