three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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