and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
