he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
