I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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