who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
