Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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