Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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