I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
