hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
