I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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