well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
