I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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