She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
