Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize