Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
