i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because Iām drunk alone and hungry.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
