His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
