i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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