my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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