I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize