And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just pee around me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
