I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
