I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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