Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
