Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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