your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
