I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
