I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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