You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This house was built for laser tag.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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