where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
