in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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