I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
