she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
