What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
