If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
