I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
