Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
