Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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