Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
