pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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