The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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