Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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