i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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