it wasn't lemon gatorade
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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