If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
