Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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