i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She announced her abortion via fbk
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
