Jerry, you need to find god
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
