can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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