I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
