he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
