it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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