My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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