We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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