the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize