you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
