dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
