So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
