Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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