he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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