sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize