Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
