Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
