my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
