He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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