Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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