I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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