Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
