i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
