just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
