sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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